


The Cat Apology Incident

by kmfillz



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Cats, Dragon Age Kink Meme, Ficlet, Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-10-07 22:09:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10370730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmfillz/pseuds/kmfillz
Summary: Hawke doesn't understand cats, at all.(Minifill forthis kink meme prompt.)





	

He doesn't know why they make the things so small. Rats don't care what size the thing that kills them is; just look at mabari! Perfectly good pets, great ratters, and most of all, not so small that you can trip over them by accident. But Anders likes cats, _specifically,_ so when Hawke trips over a little orange fellow walking into the clinic, he knows he needs to do something about the cat's hurt feelings. Anders would never forgive him if he drove a cat away from his clinic; he's heard Anders moping over the cat the Grey Wardens took away enough to know that Anders doesn't take these things lightly.

So first he tries a sincere apology. That often works with Rufus when he's in a sulk. He goes down on one knee, both as a sign of contrition and so that he can see the cat's tiny face better to judge if his words are having any effect. "I sincerely apologize for my terrible human clumsiness" -- shit, he doesn't know the cat's name -- "...Ser Cat?" Anders called his old cat "Ser". Hawke isn't sure whether that was just his name or the standard form of address for a cat. (Mabari are so much easier; they respond only to their names.) Either way, it certainly can't _hurt_ to be polite. But the cat does not look impressed.

Fair enough; that wasn't a very good apology. A good apology needs to come with assurances that you're not trying to sweep your misdeeds under the rug and reoffend. "I pledge to always watch where I'm stepping in the clinic from now on. I am aware of how hurtful my carelessness was for you; it will not be repeated." Not even a hint of a grin. This cat is a cool customer. More grovelling is probably unwise, however. Rufus has never liked a try-hard, and Ser Orange Cat doesn't look like he'd be any more into it than Rufus. Worse, Anders is listening in, now, which means that if the cat leaves, Anders won't just be sad -- he'll be sad and know that it's _all Hawke's fault._

So. Next option: bribery. "Perhaps, Ser, I can make it up to you by bringing you a nice juicy lamb bone?" No, wait. That's a dog thing. What do cats like? Mice, of course, but the cat must have as many as he wants of those already. Darktown is crawling with them, and Anders is always complaining that they're stealing his bandages. Which is why he needs cats. Right. Cats like... fish? "If a lamb bone does not please you," he tells the cat, "then perhaps a halibut?" He pitches his voice loud enough for Anders to hear, so that Anders at least knows he's making an effort. The cat yawns. One halibut is not good enough. "... _Two_ halibuts?" The cat settles down on the floor, and rests its head on its paws as it looks up on him. That's the look Rufus gives him when he's disappointed in Hawke and wants Hawke to know how disappointed he is. "...Three halibuts? Four halibuts? An assortment of half a dozen fish fresh from the docks?" He's getting a little frantic, and he's aware his tone is maybe not the most contrite anymore, but _really,_ this cat is being difficult on purpose.

Then, as if it read his unkind thoughts, the cat gets up, and saunters away, leaving Hawke to face Anders. Hawke considers blowing the incident off with a joke, but he thinks better of it, and goes for a sincere apology. It might work. Anders can be unreasonable at times, but he's no _cat._

"Anders, I am very sorry about insulting your cat. I'll make it up to you. I'll find you a new one." Anders is giving him a look that says, "Are you mad?" Yeah, that was a stupid suggestion. "That is, I mean... I'll find your cat and apologize to him again. I'll apologize better this time." Anders is staring at him now, his jaw opening and closing, but no words are coming out. Hawke steels himself. He knew Anders wouldn't take this well.

Finally, Anders bursts out, "You're apologizing? For _that?_ For _insulting a cat?_ " Hawke nods vigorously. " _Not_ for ripping up every copy of my manifesto I've ever given you?" Hawke shakes his head, uneasy about where this is going. " _Not_ for dragging me halfway up the Wounded Coast and back last week just to pick flowers for Isabela?" Hawke definitely doesn't like where this is going, but he shakes his head again. "Not for that Tranquil joke you made yesterday?" OK, he knew that joke was in bad taste, but it was terribly clever, and Anders can't expect Hawke to resist _every_ \-- Anders is laughing.

Hawke blinks, but the scene in front of him refuses to make sense. He drove Ser Orange Cat away, and Anders is laughing? Having hysterics, to be precise. After a minute or so of solid laughter, Anders' hysteria dies down into wheezing. "Hawke," Anders says between breaths. "That was the first apology I've _ever_ heard you make. Ever. _And it was to a cat._ "

Hawke still doesn't understand what's going on, but he's getting the sneaking suspicion that whatever it is, he's never going to live it down.


End file.
